CategoriesSocial Justice by

Introducing SOJU: A Social Justice Portmanteau

Let’s face it: “Social Justice” has always been kind of a mouthful — and an earful, and an eyeful.

HATESHIRT is pleased to introduce an improvement on “Social Justice” that is much easier on all the senses.  

SOJU is a portmanteau word that gives you the best of “Social Justice” together with allusions (or perhaps reminisces) of cheap Korean potato liquor.  

This is conceptual marriage made in heaven!  As we’ve all observed, especially since 2016, SOJU has been the intellectual swill of choice for semi-literate, historically ignorant Progressives.  Like its distilled counterpart, intellectual SOJU tastes foul by itself, but is nearly undetectable when paired with something sweet and popular — like for instance, being attractive, being rich, having a large social media following, or being educated at an elite university.  Drink SoJu in your Kool-Aid!  All the beautiful people are doing it!

We invite you to browse our SOJU collection of HATESHIRTS, with new additions regularly being made.  There’s more than one way to fight Progressivism, and the good news about HATESHIRTS is you don’t have to be shitfaced — intellectually or chemically — to enjoy them.

We apologize for the inevitable puns…

Soju think you’re tired of egalitarian totalitarianism?  Soju start fighting back yet, by wearing a HATESHIRT?  So what are Ju waiting for?

CategoriesHATESHIRT news by

Work harder, you fools! The HATESHIRT shop must open!

We’re excited to announce that Frank G., our founder (pictured above, in snarling selfmeme) and a team of eleven thousand offshore small furry coders, are working tirelessly, day and night, to get the HATESHIRT store open and online!

Frank is stacking t-shirts in his basement.  He’s sorting them, folding them, obsessing about them.  He’s drooling, growling, and stamping.  He does this late at night, after his cats are fed and his dishwasher is running.  He works until 3 a.m. or later, every night.  He’s obsessed!

Meanwhile, in a sweatshop halfway around the world, an enormous horde of captive, underpaid, cute and furry Lemmo-Morlocks are chained to their desks, hammering out line after line of Javascript.  They’re editing product images, pixel by pixel.  

Here at HATESHIRT we have harsh labor standards.  We don’t hire anyone over the age of eleven.  Childhood is for work!  We keep the lights out in our development shop, to save on electricity, but also to Save the Planet.(TM)  But there are a few windows and, in the darkness, sometimes you can catch a glimpse of a poster tacked onto the wall, by the light of a computer monitor.  These posters are inspirational: they are images of endangered species of plants and animals; of Superfund sites; of toxic lakes in China that would be Superfund sites, if there were any EPA-equivalent in the Chinese bureaucracy.  There are stills of destroyed coral reefs, oil spills, starving children, war-torn Ukrainian slums…

Why all the depressing imagery, you ask?  Well, it’s a cinch that most people would rather be somewhere else, rather than work.  But if all ten and eleven-year olds were allowed to just play in the sunshine in Kandahar or Port-au-Prince, how would HATESHIRT’s website ever be finished?  It wouldn’t.  So our inspired founder, Frank, came up with this tactic: use dystopic wall posters to make the outside world seem as undesirable as possible, so that children and elves will stay at their desks and code.

It’s been a long journey.  HATESHIRT’s site has been in development since the early Holocene.  However, we expect that at any minute, or week or month or year, it will be finished, and we’ll open for business!  

At some point after that, we’ll be canceled by the Progressive repression apparatus.  So get your HATESHIRT quickly!  While supplies last.

In Hate,

Iota T. Lemm

(for the Founder)

 

Biden's geriatric drool has been edited out of existence with Photoshop.
CategoriesMAGA by

Make America Geriatric Again!

It’s not clear which semi-sentient mass has a higher IQ: Joe Biden, the incumbent chief executive of the United States and an aged biological mass; or WordPress, a technological morass of (mostly) javascript that runs to some ten million lines for an ordinary install – far too many for one man to comprehend or configure.

But what is clear is that Biden is way, way older than WordPress.  Also, Biden drools, and WordPress does not.

This is what Biden actually looks like. The images of him you see on TV are deepfakes generated by AI.

Biden is so old, he’s had tea with Abraham Lincoln.

Perhaps there’s a new kind of MAGAt around: the kind that Votes for Joe!  He’s the Old People’s president.  He’s so ancient, he predates indoor plumbing.  And he’s so addled that he thinks Brittney Grin(d)er is a woman.  Even Kamala Harris can keep up with him in conversation — and that’s saying something!

Why make America Great, when you can make it Geriatric?  (For the inevitable anagram-philes and other assorted pedants: yes, there is a “great” in “geriatric.”)

Well, don’t say we didn’t tell you.  This kind of shitshow was inevitable for “Democracy,” which is the embodiment of corruption and degeneracy under the rubric of grand phrases and slogans such as “equality” and “justice.”  The age of Democracy is the age of Democide; who can deny it?  Which democracy is your favorite: Pol Pot’s?  Stalin’s?  Hitler’s?  Kim Jong Un’s?  Or Abraham Lincoln’s, which waged the first modern Total War against another nation for being less… democratic? Which of these democracies do you think the most tyrannical?

If George Orwell were writing today, he would almost certainly lampoon the U.S. “deep state” bureaucracy the way he lampooned Stalin’s totalitarian “democracy.”  (Yes, “democracy” and “totalitarianism” are absolutely compatible, even symbiotic.)  Orwell was bright enough that if he could see America and the West today, he’d probably abandon Progressivism — which back then, he probably called “liberalism.”

However, no one would read him.  He’d probably be canceled.

This post isn’t even funny.  It’s way, way too factual to be funny.