2024

Our shirts don’t have scary monster images.

Instead, they have scary ideas.

After all, we’re not targeting children.  We are after adults.  While wide-eyed, bloody-fanged pallor-faced zombies may make a three-year old shriek and pee his pants, what can cause the same reaction in a 35-year old, college-educated, gainfully employed Universalist?

We submit that scary ideas can make Universalists pee their moral little panties.  

Scary ideas are the ones you can’t say aloud at parties, or to your parents, or even to your spouse.  In fact, if you find a scary idea wandering into your head, it is best to repress it, deny it, exorcise it by any means.  You can try screaming into a pillow, for instance, instead of allowing the terrible, wicked thought not all people are created equal to linger in your mind.  

We all have hateful thoughts sometimes, right?

What if you woke one morning and found yourself having the following heretical, wicked musing:

I really like my race.  I like my culture, I like the general appearance of my people.  I think we have a lot to offer.  I don’t want us to just… disappear!  So, I want to do something like… preserve my race!  I want to preserve our language, our cultural heritage, our art.  And also our beautiful appearance, our amazing genetic heritage!  Our shared view of the world…

I want to put up a border wall to stop the colonization of our lands.  I want to encourage our young men and women to have more children, to be more family-oriented, more loyal to each other… kind of like the people of other closely-knit races and communities seem to do.  I want to celebrate us!

I mean I just care more about my own kind, than about other kinds of people.  

omg… does this make me… a racist?

You might be a racist, Karen.

If thine eye offend thee, pluck it out.  If thy mind offend thee… then what?

I’m looking at you, Karen.  If you find yourself identifying with a group of people that look like you, talk like you, share your values, and worst of all, share your cultural and genetic heritage, you might be a racist.  If you find yourself preferring their company more than the company of others, you’re looking more and more like a racist.  

And if you dislike (or even hate!) the idea of a future world where these people have died out, ceased to exist, or have been supplanted or subjugated by others who share none of their essential characteristics… well: that’s it, you’re a confirmed racist.  Please report to the nearest government reeducation center and submit yourself to ideological rehabilitation.

Or, what is nearly as good, just scream into a pillow until you believe the Universalist myth again.  Never, ever admit, even to yourself, that you doubted that all men are created equal and that therefore, you must love them all equally, desire desperately to marry them, reproduce with them, go to school with them, have them over to dinner, listen to their music, eat their food, live next to them, pay them reparations, value them as social equals or even superiors, even beg their forgiveness… or else suffer ostracization in this life, and eternal damnation in the next.

Get out of here, quick!

And whatever you do, close this web page immediately.  Delete your browser history, and do not ever even consider wearing a HATESHIRT.  The only thing worse than damning your own soul is allowing your pernicious, heretical disease to spread to others, who may have defective reason and therefore be vulnerable.  There are people out there, Karen, who only need a tiny bit of encouragement to become vile racists who reject Universalist-Christlove Truth.  Keep your mouth shut, and your wardrobe plain.  Live an inoffensive, respectable and dignified life.  Do nothing dangerous.  Take no chances in thought or in deed.  

For extra credit, report this business to the Thought Police.